saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
Randomize
