Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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