Pants 0. Shit 1.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
