I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
Randomize
