I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
Randomize
