If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
