What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
But theres a keg here and me gusta
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
Randomize