how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
