If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
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