Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
Randomize
