What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
