I think I just saw someone hide a body.
Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Randomize
