covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
