my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
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