Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
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All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
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