Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
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