well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
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