I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
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