i already hear my dad disowning me
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
Randomize
