This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
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