Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
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