you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
Even the bartender felt bad for me
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
Houston, we have a blender
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Randomize
