last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize
