i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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