Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
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