All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
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