he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
