This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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