i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
Randomize
