Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
Randomize
