Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
