I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
