I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
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