I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
