Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
Randomize
