I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Randomize
