I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Randomize
