i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
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