New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
Randomize
