There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
