I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
Randomize
