her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
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Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
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Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
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