btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
Randomize
