Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
