He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
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