Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
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