so that wasnt chicken after all
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
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