I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Randomize
