you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
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