He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
Houston, we have a blender
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Randomize
