apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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