Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
Randomize