my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
If I die, sorry about rent.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
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