ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
If I die, sorry about rent.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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