we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
Randomize
