I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Randomize
