I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
Randomize
