Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
