What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
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