You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
Randomize
