I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
