God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Randomize