the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
Randomize
