I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
Is Oprah even human
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Randomize
