my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
Randomize
