After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
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