And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
Randomize
