I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
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