There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
Randomize
