so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
