Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
Randomize
