Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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