It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
