what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
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