i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
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