There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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