There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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