All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
