what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
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