I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
Randomize
