once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
How's work?
Spinning.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
Randomize
