i think i scared a bird with my dick
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
