Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
