Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
